I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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