South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
