please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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