I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
