he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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