Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
