"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
