i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
