I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
