I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
