You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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