trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
