I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
