would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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