dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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