remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
