There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
