I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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