didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
