She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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