So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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