God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
