listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize