but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
