I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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