Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize