I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
