The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
