Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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