people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
