She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Randomize
