BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
