it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize