if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
