Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
