Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
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