I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize