oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
