Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
