He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
