I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize