i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
