my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
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