don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize