I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
