I puked a lego.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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