I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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