I wish my penis had an off switch
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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