i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
