Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
