i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
