there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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