he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
