Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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