:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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