And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
