idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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