Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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