We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
