note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
