I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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