Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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