pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
