drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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