i don't like sucking hair
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
