Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
