im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
