I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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