she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
