i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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