Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
