my soul wont recognize me after tonight
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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