She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
There was a lot of him and a little penis
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
