He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
