What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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