brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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