my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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