I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
