The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Randomize
