In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
