is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
