Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
