i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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