My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Holy shit dude........stairs
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
