I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
