There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
