After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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