i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
