You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
