i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
