Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
