Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
