yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
everyone is single if you try hard enough
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
