im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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