When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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