nut hugger
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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